(this is a long post so feel free to abandon if you get bored reading)
I went home in November when my dad passed away. While home, I saw a lot of people - friends, acquaintances, neighbors, my parents' friends, friends of friends, pedicab drivers, “parapamatbat”, etc. I felt like I saw the whole town during the 2-week span that I was home. It would have been the normal mourning days had it not been filled with tacky comments about my weight. Disparaging comments. Almost everybody told me "Nagtaba ka!" or "Kadaku mo!" - when translated to English it pretty much goes " You got fat" or "You gained weight!"
How does one answer to that?
Back when I was in college, I was "payatot". I barely weighed 115 lbs, so I didn't really experience any body-shaming back then. My older sister who probably weighed about 125 lbs at that time was oftentimes shamed by her friends though. She was not skinny enough. My mom faced the same ordeal and I heard and saw it all. She shrugged it off. It bothers me now to think that maybe she was hurt at that time by those humiliating remarks. I would never know. My mom passed away four years ago.
Come to think of it, some of my so-called friends actually didn't even tell me they were sorry about our loss during the wake. Some of them just jumped right in and casually started the conversation with my weight. For some, it was a conversation starter. If I wasn't afraid I would be too blatant and rude, I would have had plenty of stinging rejoinders. Of course those people would have probably ended up not talking to me ever again. So I ended up smiling back and bit my tongue so I wouldn't say something about the other person's appearance. I was on the verge of saying scathing lines to one particular person like "I see that you haven't changed a bit. You're still shallow, you still talk about people and oh you look very pale." That would have been epic. But I didn't have the heart to be that insensitive.
On the day of my dad's funeral, a neighbor was in our house sitting in the living room waiting for us so she could say hi. She hasn't seen me since I left in 2000. That was 18 years ago. She saw me right away as I was walking down the stairs. This woman looked me up and down, smirked, then uttered the words "Kataba mo!" I was irate and quick to retort "I guess I can afford to buy food". I am pretty sure I said it kinda sarcastically. She looked embarrassed. Oh well.
If you do not know it yet, body shaming in the Philippines is common especially to those who refuse to educate themselves. It's ingrained in Filipino culture that you are fat if you are not slim/slender/petite/thin. It does not matter if you look bulimic. In my case, I am considered fat when I go home because I have aged, my metabolism slowed down, I have given birth and I have gained muscle over the years. I am thicker this time and I am no longer a stick figure like the way I was 18 years ago.
Back home, it bears no weight that I run marathons and I could outrun folks that are 20 years younger than me. It does not matter that I always get either an excellent or outstanding in my PRT (Physical Readiness Test) since I joined the Navy. It does not matter that I am at my strongest right now and I know I kick ass when I am at the gym because I always give my all to whatever I do. Those things are irrelevant. In my hometown, as soon as I get off that plane and friends see me, they tell me I am fat. That’s my “welcome home”.
I am not mad about people calling me fat. I know I am not and I do not need validation from anybody about my body. I know where I stand. The thing is, I am annoyed. I am annoyed because it speaks so much about our personalities, our level of thinking, our "awareness". Those harsh comments about weight is culturally accepted, but my whole being is against that. I think it's just another expression of bullying.
My point is, making those comments are rude, offensive and just plain ignorant. We can do better than that, guys. If you do not have anything better to say, then don't say anything at all. Stop being an asshole!
So at the risk of sounding trite, I implore my friends and even those who aren't to be mindful of what you say because in reality those comments come in harsh and they exacerbate low self esteem. Next time someone say something to me along the lines of being fat, please be ready to be lectured. I won't hear no excuses.
What's the point of this post, you ask? I wanted to promote awareness. I wanted to educate and help some people from home. It's not too late to get rid of an old habit.
That is all... Oh, and while we're at it, here are some photos to show you past and present state of yours truly. The skinny and the not-so-skinny-anymore photos.
Here's to living healthy and being happy in your own skin. Cheers, y'all!
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| This was during my most recent visit. |
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| I love working out. This is one of my passions in life. Back in my other country, the Philippines, I am fat looking like this. |
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| This was taken back in 1999. My sister was about 125 lbs. I was 115. My sister was considered "heavy" back home around this time. This was her wedding day. According to her, she was feeling very self-conscious wearing that dress. She felt "fat". |
